Arma Virumque Cano

 

It is my twentieth year of teaching, and I shall share my accumulated wisdom with you now.

First, popping into colleagues’ classrooms and telling them to hold off on starting their lessons because there will be a fire drill momentarily is an indisputably hilarious April Fools’ joke.

Second … well. This one is so important it shall be told in parable. Rise up, gather round.

Once there was a teacher who, at day’s end, had students put their chairs on their desks. But they did this so noisily – indeed, some even took delight in slamming chairs down – that it sounded like Kursk 2. 

Increasingly distressed, he finally bade them leave the chairs floored, that he alone might raise them.

He did this for weeks and months. And then one day he checked out his biceps and was all: whoa.

Now every morning he takes down the chairs, and every afternoon he puts them up. He does this with one arm, alternating, curling them as they were weights. His physique ever approaches that of Adonis.